Why I Won't Read: The Bane by Keary Taylor

Unlike most reviewers, I have a tendency of dropping a book or anime that doesn't keep me entertained because I believe that time is precious and I shouldn't be wasting my time on something that will probably not have any meaning in my life whatsoever. This is exactly what happened with The Bane. This book was absolutely free on Amazon, so I decided to read it because it's a free book and I couldn't see a reason not to. Well...here are my feelings towards it.

The Setup:

The Bane takes place in a post-apocalyptic reality, where these creatures called The Bane (who would've guessed?) have taken over and want to wipe out humanity. The Bane are creatures that used to be human, but were fused with technology due to some sort of virus and basically became Terminator Zombies. I'm not entirely sure of how you can infect someone with technology just by touching them, but apparently it's possible in this book. Due to these conditions, a group of 30 or so humans live in the forest where they created a civilization called Eden. Our protagonist is named Eve (wow, your religious allusions are so subtle, I never would have guessed what they are and what their purposes are in the story! Now all we need is a snake and Adam!), a girl who somehow wandered into Eden with no memory of her past. She was raised to be a warrior, being cold, emotionless, and being able to fight extraordinarily well. One day, a young man named West and two others join Eden, and then the story basically starts off from there. 

Why I Won't Read It:

The main reason I won't read this book is because it is boring. I could barely get through 20% of it. Eve is the most boring and uninteresting protagonist that I have seen in a very long time, the other characters don't hold up very well, the story feels unoriginal and hackneyed, and I also can't get over the fact that this book made Terminator Zombies boring. Take a minute to let that sink in. TERMINATOR ZOMBIES ARE SOMEHOW BORING?! HOW THE HECK DO YOU SCREW THAT UP?! I'll admit that I'm not really a fan of zombies, but I absolutely adore the Terminator movies (well, the first two...numbers three and four don't exist in my book), and when I was first getting into this book I was really excited to read about some awesome Terminator Zombie action. Out of the 20% of the book that I read, half of it is exposition about how the world came to be, and continuously beating the audience over the head about how devastatingly tragic the event was (yeah, I don't think it takes a genius to know that the freaking apocalypse is tragic) and how it affected these cardboard cutouts that the book thinks are actual characters. Also, while there is some action, it feels rushed and was not written very well, considering the huge deus ex machina that the book pulls concerning who Eve really is, which is a human who has been fused with machinery and therefore can't be infected. WHAT?! Speaking of confusing... 

Another reason I won't read this book is its implausibility. I can buy that machines are able to take over the world, but I can't buy how somehow technology is transformed into a virus that can infect people via physical contact. Do the Bane insert chips into people when they touch them that takes over the human body? Do the Bane contain some sort of electricity that shuts down human emotion? How was technology converted into a disease in the first place? How does this virus even exist? Do humans already have some sort of technology built into them? Now that I think of it, if machines are so powerful, why the heck can't they control Eve?! If Eve is part machine, then wouldn't it be easier for her to be infected? If she's part Bane, then how has her humanity remained intact if the technology is so powerful? Is there some sort of firewall built into her? EXPLAIN, BOOK! EXPLAIN! I know that some people would say that this adds to the mystery of the book, but like I said in my Nightshade review, mystery doesn't work like that for me. Mysteries should go by a structure: the beginning, where they lay out the ground rules that shouldn't bring up too many questions beyond the major question of the book; the middle, where more questions are asked and you have to actually begin to think about what could possibly be the resolution; and the end, where you learn the answers. If you mess up the beginning by not establishing a strong setting that leaves much to be desired and then immediately move onto the middle, then you just leave the reader wondering why they should care. 

Actually, that's my problem with this book in a nutshell: why should I care? The setting makes no sense, the plot is a mess, the characters make cardboard look complex, the love triangle (by the way, there's a love triangle in this book...joy) is forced and irrelevant considering the circumstances, the writing style is bland topped with hackneyed served with a side order of unimaginative. It's just a confusing and totally boring book.